Leadership Lesson from our dog: the best way to handle conflict
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The sound of our dog getting sick got me up extra early yesterday. As we sat together while the rest of the house slept, I pondered the many things Bebe has taught me our six years together
One of the most important things she has taught me is to go toward conflict. That's not the same as to love conflict. Let me explain what she does, what she taught.
Maybe your dog does this too.
As the Chief Wellness Officer, Bebe is within a few feet of me in my home office every day, as many of you know from our Zoom meetings.
Throughout the work day, Bebe needs attention, a treat, or a walk. Most of the time, I need a break too, and we take fifteen minutes together. But, on extremely rare occasions, her needs are too frequent, she becomes whiney, and my patience wears thin.
Of course, I do not react harshly to beloved Bebe. But my annoyance is poorly masked as I repeatedly tell her to wait.
The amazing thing she does, the lesson, is: When she knows I am annoyed, she comes to me. She goes toward the conflict.
When the natural tendency would be to shrink from it, give a stern side-eye, and sulk out of the room, Bebe comes to me instead.
She wants to be sure we are good at all times, even when she recognizes frustration. The funniest thing happens when she comes to me: I apologize to her, pet and kiss her, give treats, and go for a longer walk!
The conflict works out better for us both.
I noticed this behavior a few years ago and have put it into practice with people I care about.
Now, obviously, there aren't too many people I work with who love me as much as Bebe does, or vice versa, but it works!
Go toward the conflict when you feel it. Get back in sync. Make sure people know you didn't mean to be annoying, frustrated, or rude. Or, if they were frustrated, touch base about what’s up with them. Stop by, call, or send an e-mail to clear the air and move forward with grace and greatness. You might notice the relationship is even stronger afterward.
Some wording to consider could be…
“My apologies for being frustrated earlier. The timeline change made me nervous, but we are on top of it and there’s nothing to worry about after all. Thanks for your understanding.”
“It sounded like you may have been concerned about the timeline earlier. Can I help?”
Wording that does not help…
“I’m sorry if you were put off by my frustration earlier.”
Do you see how that apology does not take responsibility for my behavior? Don’t blame them for your rudeness or for noticing it. Take responsibility for your behavior and appreciate their understanding, if that was the case. No more, no less.
Bebe has taught me many things about leadership, friendship, and love. Sometimes I marvel at how simple the lessons are when I just slow down and pay attention like on a Sunday morning.
The world would be better if we could all be the persons our dogs think we are. I’m going to work on that more.