How to have the tough conversations and not resort to the leadership failure that is quiet firing

Last month, I wrote, “Quiet firing reveals colossal leadership failures that will lead to company failures too.”

The same leaders who are passive aggressive regarding tough conversations about job performance are not having other tough conversations either. That’s where the downfall of companies happens.

They are not having hard conversations about missing revenue targets, delayed new product rollout dates, clients growing scope way beyond contracts, and more. The lack of truthfulness spreads as the model to emulate. Pretty soon, no one has the tough conversations.

Leaders who do not have courage to lead have two choices inside companies intending to thrive long-term: get some or get out.

If the leaders do not get the courage to have tough conversations, they should step aside. They are sabotaging the company and should let someone else take the helm.

If you do have courage but have not had much practice with tough performance conversations, here are some tips to keep in mind. Use these to establish performance standards and hold people accountable with integrity and honor.

⬛ “Tell me about the project.”

Confirm understanding of the assignment or role. Ensure the teammate knows the key success indicators, deadlines, resources available, danger zones, and reasons for all of the above. Do they understand what they are doing and why? Directly confirm what needs to be clarified or specified.

⬛ “How will your performance be measured?”

Invite them to answer the question to ensure they understand their job performance standards and requirements. If you are concerned about repeatedly missed metrics, you could follow up their answer with, “Let’s assess against the metric you just listed in 30 days. I’ll put the date on our calendars.”

 
⬛ “What’s the outcome if performance measures are missed?”

Ask them to define the consequences of poor performance. The first time or two—or ten depending on the work—it may mean more learning opportunities. Once enough learning has taken place, resources have been provided, and excuses have been given, you could ask, “Is it reasonable to expect hitting that metric going forward?” Then, after they answer, ask this if necessary, “What do you think is a reasonable and responsible outcome of continuing to miss it?” Now, you have the opportunity to discuss what happens next if the metric is missed.

 
⬛ “You agreed the measure was reasonable yet have not hit it. Is this really the best job for you?”

If they are earnest in wanting to hit the metric, consider whether you can welcome their enthusiasm and work toward it. If not, you could have a real conversation about a lateral move internally. Just think, it cannot be all that fun for them to keep missing the mark. Consider being even more direct by asking about their career aspirations. “What do you really want to do in your career?” Maybe you can help them move on to something they would be really good at and would love doing.

 Years ago, a professional colleague advised she wanted to leave her administrative role in a technical company to follow her mother’s footsteps and become a nurse. Sally spoke with her manager, who supported her life move by giving her time off to meet with schools, study for the entrance exam, and get in to the school of her choice. Sally said her work actually improved because she knew she was not going to be there longer than a year from that point. She wanted to honor her company for treating her so well knowing she was leaving.

Sally’s manager told me the rest of the staff noticed too. They felt that if that’s how someone exiting is treated, the company must treat those who stay really well.

What do you think would have happened within two years if Sally had not realized her dream to become a nurse? Her performance would go down—it wasn’t super great anyway, she said. Down it would go, along with her attitude. And, she would bring others down with her because misery loves company.

An indirect leader trying to quietly fire her over time would jeopardize the whole team.

Have the courage to talk to people. Chances are pretty good they know their performance is not great.

Use the tips and phrases above to hold people accountable without being a jerk or a pushover. Your intentions make or break the conversations you will have. If you view them as conversations, rather than hints at terminations, you can be direct without being a jerk.

It takes courage to be a great leader. We need more courageous leaders in companies today, so hopefully if you’re reading this, you will choose courage and be a leader of integrity and honor.

(Obviously a lot goes in to every conversation about performance. If you need guidance, please get in touch. Also, consider your company’s policies and talk with your HR person before implementing steps toward an exit.)