Are you All-In or not?

One of the keynotes I share is The All-In Way: 5 Strategies to High Performance in Life and Leadership. The presentation includes the five strategies, along with lots of stories and examples of companies and people who are All-In or out.

One of the All-In examples is Dr. Michael Ackerman, M.D., Ph.D., Pediatric Cardiologist with the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN. If you’ve been part of The All-In Way, you may remember Dr. Ackerman’s story and his treatment of my nieces and nephews.

Early in his career, he was preparing an eight-year old girl from Michigan for a heart transplant, and she questioned him about surviving the surgery. He said she would survive and he would dance with her at her high school prom. Ten years later, her mother got in touch with Dr. Ackerman when it was time for her daughter’s prom.

Ten years later?! Don’t you think the mother would have understood if he explained his busy schedule? After all, by then, he was a well-known cardiologist with a schedule full of patients, transplants, teaching, and speaking events.

Dr. Ackerman remembered the promise he made to the little girl, and he made the trip to Michigan for the prom. The healthy patient and her cardiologist shared a dance to Rascal Flatts' Bless the Broken Road. After the dance, the young lady’s father drove the doctor five hours to the Detroit airport so he could catch a flight to Florida where he had a speaking engagement the next day.

Dr. Ackerman showed up.

He kept his word.

He lives and leads All-In, and he has the reputation to match.

Last month, LeBron James’s son, a freshman at USC, had a cardiac arrest during a basketball workout. Bronny was taken care of by Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles and recovered. The family released an update saying Bronny has a treatable congenital heart defect just this past weekend.

The statement said Bronny had follow-up evaluations at the Mayo Clinic led by Dr. Ackerman and at the Atlantic Health/Morristown Medical Center. (Source: Sports Illustrated)

LeBron James could take his son to any cardiologist anywhere in the whole world.

He took his son to Dr. Ackerman.

💥 It’s not about dancing at the prom. It’s about keeping your word. Even when you’re busy.

💥 It’s not about platitudes like, “Let me know if you need anything.” It’s about showing up with spaghetti dinner the fifth week after the funeral when the freezer is empty of casseroles. It’s about showing up for collaborations and commitments because you said you would.

💥 It’s not about what everyone else does. It’s about your standard of excellence.

A high standard of excellence for skill and care is ideal for a cardiologist, right?

Is less acceptable in your job?

It’s not about the job, it’s about you. It’s about what you choose as your own standard. You set the standard of excellence high because that’s who you are, not because that’s what you get paid or that’s what the boss requires. Because who you are.

Do not lower your standard for your own behavior because people around you have low standards. Or because some out-of-touch geezer boss gets a bonus off your work. Keep your standards where you want them to be because that is who you are.

You’re All-In or not.

Choose what All-In means based on who you are.

Live and lead accordingly, and you will have a more fulfilling life.

Two Myths about Happiness at Work and How We Get it Wrong

This month’s Culture Matters conversation was about the Myths of Happiness at Work. We talked about the Myths of Happiness including:

1) The pressure to be happy all the time. There is a myth that if you are not leaping for joy every minute at work, you have mental problems. Shouldn’t the expectation be adjusted? Do you even know anyone who is leaping for joy every minute of every work day? I don’t.

People who are happy all the time miss out on the exhilaration of triumph. They miss the opportunity to stretch and grow through adversity if they don’t have any or they deny it. In the midst of adversity, see the opportunity and don’t sell yourself short. Don’t miss the triumph because of the fear and discomfort.

2) The myth that happiness will come when something else happens. In the little book, Put Your Whole Self In: Life and Leadership the Hokey Pokey Way, I talk about 5 All-In strategies to high performance. One of the strategies is to Enjoy Now. It’s included because people often expect happiness to depend on others.

You might hear people say, “I’ll be happy when I get married.” Or, “I’ll be happy when we have kids.” Or, “I’ll be happy when the new boss arrives.” Or, “I’ll be happy when the team meets its numbers.”

What ends up happening? You get the thing and realize it is less satisfying than anticipated. The pressure of happiness practically ruins the accomplishment.

In the Culture Matters conversation, small groups talked about those two myths and more. What we realized is that happiness is an emotion. It fluctuates and depends on action. Joy can be a state, but happiness is an emotion.

Here are five actions that can lead to more happiness at work. These are within your own realm and not reliant upon others.

1. Recognize how you are feeling throughout the day.

2. Allow yourself to feel your emotions honestly. That does not mean you share every single one with others or that you enter interactions wearing your emotions on your sleeve all the time. After all, we do not always need support from others anyway.

3. Focus on service to others to get out of your own head. Turn your attention and energy away from self and toward others when you cannot wrap your head around your situation.

4. Be happy for others. Share their accomplishments and congratulate them wholeheartedly.
   See the link between your work and your vision for your future. If there’s not one, is a change needed?

5. Look for ways to make a difference to others at work.

Remembers, it is not your boss’s job to make you happy. Smart companies and leaders create cultures that stimulate employees, encourage growth, and reward accomplishments. That’s all nice. However, do not allow those external elements to determine whether you are happy. You can control that within, and that is where the power of it grows.

Here’s a tool shared after the Culture Matters conversation. It is the Emo Meter you can use to assess yourself prior to meeting with others.

Here is an article from Inc. magazine about happiness at work—turns out, the research supports the points made here.

Set yourself up for success and happiness by being aware, making a difference, and sharing others’ happiness.

9 Ways to save you from being the Red Flag teammate

In the video linked below, Peter Bregman (CEO of a global management consulting firm which advises CEOs and their leadership teams) shares a story about consulting with a company whose staff put a red flag outside the CEO’s office to warn people against going in to his office. He says everyone knew the CEO was difficult, but the CEO didn’t know his reputation was so damaged until Bregman explained the red flag hanging outside his office.

click to open the video on a separate page

Why is it bad to be the red flag person?

1.      You might not get to use the full power of your brain or experience if people don’t want you on their teams.

2.      Red flag people cause others to waste time and energy trying to accommodate them or fix their issues.

3.      It can be lonely when no one wants to be around you.

4.      Being a downer might go against your personal mission or goals.

5.      You might get stuck in a spot along your career journey where you don’t want to stay.

6.      It is exhausting to be so negative.

As Bregman says, “When we are not aware of the feelings, they take us with them.” We have feelings all day long without thinking about them, and when we don’t pay attention to them, the feelings can cause us to become a negative force in the office. They can cause us to become the Red Flag people.

While I do not want anyone reading this to be a Red Flag person, I also do not want you to repress your feelings. Some “gurus” tell us not to take things personally or to leave our feelings at the door as we arrive at work. But, I don’t think that helps either.

I’ve written and spoken extensively about being all-in. Living and leading all-in means you bring your brain, heart, hands, eyes, and everything about yourself to your life. That includes work. So, contrary to some popular “gurus,” I do think we should take things personally. Work is personal, and companies do better when people have strong feelings about it. However, we can control how we behave in response to our feelings so we don’t become the Red Flag people.

Bregman’s main advice in the video is to recognize how you’re feeling. Here are nine additional tips to help you avoid becoming the Red Flag person on your team:

1.      Slow down, breath, pause and get used to your feelings. Understanding your feelings can help you deliberately adapt your behavior. Don’t repress your feelings; identify them.

2.      Decide how you need to act to maintain your professional relationships and reputation. You don’t have to address the feelings right away, but you do have to choose your behavior. Unlike a three-year old whose tantrums are cute to onlookers, we can control our behavior.

3.      Refrain from over-sharing feelings, especially regarding personal matters that will be highly scrutinized and may be repeatedly discussed.

4.      Use support resources like your workplace friends, your manager, your company’s internal coach, or other external support.

5.      Honor personal boundaries—your own and others’. Certain topics are not ideal for the workplace and could make colleagues uncomfortable, so be aware of others’ personal boundaries.

6.      If you can’t focus, take time off. The best professionals know when they need to take themselves out of the game to recuperate.

7.      Respect your colleagues’ time. Your best friends at work have their own work to complete each day, and they have their own personal issues to manage.

8.      Respect your job, team, and employer by doing great work. If you’ve decided you can show up for work, then be a stellar teammate while you are there.

9.      Once the situation improves, thank the people who supported you through it.

These tips can help you understand and respond to your feelings without repressing them or letting them steer you toward becoming the Red Flag teammate.

How you can ace Georgetown University’s challenge

Okay, so most of our SAT scores might not prompt Georgetown to offer us scholarships. Maybe we wouldn’t coast through with straight A’s. But, there is one challenge Georgetown just issued that everyone could ace. I think we all can do it.

In the usual rush through our day, we walk by people without noticing them. In fact, we might even have conversations without really noticing people. Think about the store clerk, coffee shop barista, or copy center employee. How often do you have time to truly pay attention to those folks? If your mind is focused on your day, it might naturally cause you to overlook people, assuming their minds are just as preoccupied. There is no negative intention, and probably no rudeness either.

All In strategy #3 is Notice Others. Stop letting what’s on your mind cause you to overlook others. One business student at Georgetown did just that. Mr. Bellamy and Mr. Batchelor both have nightly routines at Georgetown’s library. Mr. Bellamy studies at the library, and Mr. Batchelor cleans it. One recent evening, Mr. Bellamy stuck up a conversation and what an All In experience happened after that.

It turned out, the janitor had similar ambitions as the business student. The janitor makes great curry chicken and wanted to open a business. The business student used his skills to help his new friend get started. Now, Mr. Batchelor’s chicken is famous on campus and he is on his way to operating a successful business.

The story doesn’t stop there, however. Here's what happened at Georgetown:

Mr. Bellamy noticed even more people on campus—cashiers, cooks, cleaning staff, and more. He and his friends started listening to the stories of the people working on their campus, and they began to help some of them. One man is going to visit his family in South Sudan for the first time in 45 years, thanks to help from the Georgetown community.

Georgetown formalized the effort to create more opportunities for connections between staff and students, and they call it Unsung Heroes.

Georgetown is All In! They have habit #3 down! Their students issued a challenge for the rest of us. They challenge us to notice unsung heroes in our own lives. Are you in?

Can you slow down enough to pay attention to the people you come in contact with each day? Notice them, talk to them, listen and learn from them. Can you establish an Unsung Heroes connection program at your school or workplace?

Maybe we all cannot beat Georgetown student’s SAT scores, but we can join them in living All In by noticing others.

(Source: Washington Post 10/13/2016) 

Happiness is over-rated

“Cut the happiness crap, Tyler!”

That’s what a coworker used to holler at me when I was cheerful at the water cooler at 7:00am each work day. He said it with a smile and proclaimed he was teasing, but it stuck with me. Twenty-five years later, I think that guy was on to something.

There is a lot written about happiness these days. Amazon has 22,329 books on the subject right now. A Google search found 46 million articles, with most promising to tell us how to be happier and why we should seek happiness. I have read a few articles about happiness, and I agree with much of what is researched and written about it. However, there is something missing.

There are three perspectives overlooked in the highly publicized search for happiness millions seem to be conducting, and they are worth pondering.

1. The expectation to be happy. If we expect to be happy all the time, we will be thrown off when life takes an unavoidable turn. The fact is, life’s journey includes some detours once in a while. People get sick, companies close down, children become teenagers. Life happens, and it’s not always full of skipping through sunflowers whistling Zippity Doo Dah. When we expect to be happy every day, we either shove the sadness deep inside to hide it or we are overwhelmed by the bad stuff and get stuck in misery.
2. The pressure to be happy. The peer pressure to be happy causes stress and can damage relationships. When you’re struggling with one of life’s obstacles, and you turn to a friend for support, do you love it when the friend says, “You shouldn’t be disappointed by your manager leaving the company. The new one will be even better.” We don’t really enjoy someone else pressuring us to “get over it.” We all have feelings we need to grapple with, and we will do so in good time. Pressure not to feel the sadness is not helpful.
3. The lost opportunities caused by happiness. The expectation and pressure to be happy cause us to miss out on the benefits of adversity. In our effort to be happy every minute, we are likely to take fewer risks or deny a challenge facing us. Happiness can blind us of reality and prevent us from rising above obstacles, which is unfortunate because there are few feelings better than those experienced after surmounting an obstacle or staring down a challenge. We rob ourselves of those feelings by trying to stay happy all the time.

When we deny life’s detours or go out of our way to avoid them entirely, we are telling ourselves a few things. We’re saying, “You’re not capable of overcoming that obstacle.” Or, “You’re not good enough to figure out a new way.” Or, “No one cares if you reach the destination.”

Let’s not sabotage ourselves with such negativity. Instead, let’s face the reality of all situations and let’s face challenges head-on. Look forward to the sense of accomplishment, don’t avoid it. We don’t have to “cut the happiness crap” completely. Let’s just keep it in perspective.