Part 1: Why it’s a bigger problem than it might seem and what companies can do about it

When nearly half of 20,000 survey responses say the same thing, it gets my attention. When 85% have the same experience, it blows my mind.

A LinkedIn News poll with over 20,000 respondents last month revealed 48% said they had seen quiet firing in their workplaces. Plus, another 35% had experienced it personally. That’s a whopping 83% of people who have had experience with quiet firing!

Quiet firing is when a manager makes the job so miserable, the employee eventually quits.

Obviously, that is extremely passive-aggressive behavior. Why would so many workplaces let managers get away with it? What does that say about leadership? What should a company do about it?

Managers get away with it because managing people can be exhausting. Here are four reason giving feedback is so exhausting, managers give up and resort to quiet firing instead.

1. Some people get angry and defensive upon hearing any feedback, so managers give up. A highly skilled manager might give feedback once or twice, but if the employee gets angry and defensive, it’s exhausting and not worth it. The manager will shut down, not give feedback any more, and give up on these people. When the manager gives up, the employee’s work quality diminishes further, which eliminates raises, recognition, promotion, or growth.  

2.  Other people may become paranoid of mistakes, lose all confidence, and need constant reinforcement after hearing their quality of work needs a boost. They become “extra,” which is exhausting too. Managers do not have time for hand-holding and doling out trophies for every little task, so they give up on these people too. It’s just easier.

3.  A third reaction to feedback is over-correction. Some people will hear the slightest suggestion for improvement and take it to the extreme and change too much, thus negatively impacting the work. It’s tough for a manager to tell the employee they took it the wrong way, so managers give up on these teammates and let the chips fall where they may.

4. The fourth reaction to feedback is when the employee shuts down. The employee might change the bare minimum but feel so hurt by feedback, they disengage. They may even become quiet quitters. Managers notice and just let them be. They don’t want to hurt the person again, so they just stop engaging too.

Managers may give up on these folks, but they don’t want to let the employee linger too long. They still have budgets and goals to hit this year, so something needs to happen.

To speed up the exit, managers might increase their passive-aggressive behavior.

When a first-level supervisor, Virginia (names have been changed in all stories shared), was not included in the celebratory luncheon for a big project her team completed, she knew she was being quietly fired. The division director had left her and a colleague off the list for the celebration and, when others notified him the day of the luncheon, he offered the two the leftovers in the breakroom.

The director deliberately demoralized two people. What kind of leader grown adult does that? Imagine what he thinks when he looks himself in the mirror at the end of the day.

Be a better leader than him.

When you reach the director level and up, have the courage and skills to have tough conversations. Even when you do not want to. That is part of leadership. You suck it up and do it anyway.

If you do not want to accept the responsibility, then step aside and let someone else step in.

Not only is quiet firing mean, but it is also a significant company problem in five other ways…

1. Others will treat the ostracized employee the way the manager does, and the person will be bullied, ignored, and excluded by friends who see what’s happening but need to keep their jobs.

2. Bullying, shunning, and ignoring takes a toll on the person and the perpetrators. There are mental health and physical health implications when it goes on for months.

3. People will treat each other poorly too. If it’s okay to treat one person that way, it’s okay to treat everyone that way. Trust implodes.

4. Managers will think passive-aggressive is a fine way to handle other issues too. For example, if you happen to see the invoices over-billing a client, drop a hint to your boss, then move on. It’s not your business.

5. Most leaders who act this way are not living in alignment with their core values. The stress and self-loathing that comes with living out of alignment will take their toll on the leaders eventually.

The time, energy, and emotion that goes into quiet firing reveals colossal leadership failures and will lead to company failures too.

Isaac’s story illustrates such failures. He recognized he was being quietly fired when he saw his job posted with a different title on the internal career board. It caused him to take the blinders off to other things he had overlooked in the $11B asset management company where he worked. Isaac updated his resume, landed a new job outside the company, and negotiated a severance package. A year later, the company shut its doors following allegations of mis-charging customers.

When leaders are too weak, burned out, or disconnected to have tough conversations about performance, you can bet your bottom dollar they are too weak, burned out, or disconnected to have them about anything else that matters to the business either. They will certainly not speak up about mis-charging customers if that’s the practice chosen to meet the financial goals of the company.

There is no future in a company with weak, burned out, and disconnected leaders at the helm. Leaders without integrity will bring down the company, and quiet firing may be a glimpse into the unraveling.

Take care of yourself and your leaders to ensure living and leading in alignment with core values is the norm, even when it’s tough.

Next week: Part 2: How to be a leader with courage, integrity, and honor without being a pushover